chpter 5 : given up

Abby, Anna & Amy had become the best of friends - ever since the misunderstanding between Abby & Anna.
Although Anna was happy for having so many friends around her, her dearest friend was Adam.

That night, at the foot of the Hilltops, Anna recalled the moment when she had instinctively hugged Adam - he was surprised but he hugged her back, in the end.
Although, Anna thought, the moment would've lasted longer if Abby did not interrupt.

'& of how did she know of the sacred foot?' she thought to herself.
At the time, the three girls were washing the clothes. Amy, being the higher rank, could've sat on a chair in luxury but refused to & insisted on helping the two with the chores.

It was unheard of, but the other staff dared not to voice out their opinions.
Who ever did, telling the niece of Master Zeddy that that is not the way she should live her life?

If she wanted to do the dishes, let her be! Let the child suffer instead of lapping up her fortune! was what the staff thought bitterly.

With a little bit of persuasion from Mrs Geraldine - which, really, was alot - Abby was now one of the members of the staff family towards the Zeddy business.
She was a silkmaid - one who weaves silk, as it was her culture in her Asian lands.

Which is why Abby always had bruises or cuts on her fingers from weaving too much of exotic cloth.

("Why people can't wear normal cloth like the rest of us is beyond me!" Anna said to her friends, to which they laughed.)

Both of Abby's new closest friends were in love - Amy with the Pharoah whereas Anna with her brother (blehh!).
It was simply embarrassing when she interrupted Anna with her... Uh, display of affections toward her brother at the Hilltops.
Honestly! She did not mean to intrude - she just came for a little peace & quiet, as she had heard one of the maids whispering about its famous serenity.
It was very awkward when she nervously made small talk & wishing that she could have shot herself instead.

But what about me? she couldn't help thinking. 'Have I not find the one yet or am I just... Unloved?'

After long rantings with Amy, Anna realised that she had not heard a peep from her newest friend.
She turned around to look at Abby, who was merely staring into space, her hands gripping the clothes loosely.
"Abby? Has the Lord taken you off to heaven & lifted you up or simply, the mind is wandering off?" Anna teased.
Abby woke up from her trance & gave a smile to her friend.

By then, she couldn't decide whether she should open up her mind or keep her thoughts inside.
'They would probably criticize me, saying that I shouldn't worry a thing, I was beautiful enough. They would also say that I should be contented, what with my new chores & life.' Abby thought.
'But they all had been so honest with me - Amy with her burden of loving the unforbidden & Anna with her great liking towards my brother.' she reasoned with herself.

Finally, she decided to tell her friends about what was on her mind.

As soon as Abby had stopped her speech - one which she had rant in just one breath! - Amy & Anna quickly assured to Abby that she was beautiful & if no man could see that, they were blind to the world like a bat in the morning sun (as predicted).
But another thing they said was not quite as what Abby could have thought of : they had assured her that maybe, just maybe her true love was waiting just around the corner, or maybe even under her own nose, by the name of the Lord!

The three had a good laugh at that one but Abby considered the piece of advice.
'Maybe he is under... My nose?' she thought, still unsure of what it meant.










Although Abby was just the helping hand, she was treated as a guest all the same.

“Here, here. What are you doing, Madam Abigail? You deserve to have a rest.” Master Zeddy would say if he happened to catch sight of Abigail helping Anna with the clothwashing chores.

Abigail felt guilty for being treated with such discrimination but Anna did not mind.
In fact, she was happy to see Abigail being treated nicely by the horrid Master Zeddy.

‘Yes. She truly is lucky to escape the perils of Master Zeddy,’ she thought in her head.

Most evenings, Anna managed to see Adam when she was not drowning in the amount of work she had been given by the head household.

“Adam, Adam. What are you doing now?” Anna said as she was swinging her arms around while watching Adam grooming a horse.
“Grooming horses, dear Anna.” he said, looking up at her skeptically.

Anna truly hoped that Adam couldn’t see her blushing - for one, he had called her dear!
& for another, he looked so handsome with his hair ruffled from all the work he had done for the day, his grey eyes gleaming with mischief & the matching smile to stop a heart.

Anna’s heart.

She waited for him till the sun had set & they both went off to their retreat - the Hilltops.
They sat on the green grass & stared at the starry sky.

“I’m blessed.” Anna said dreamily.
“Sorry?”
“I’m blessed.” she repeated.
“& why is that?”
“Because… Lord has blessed me with a job where I occupy a home, sharing it with a family of my own. And Lord has been generous by blessing me with even new friends.”

She smiled at Adam & he smiled back.

“Why are you telling me this?” he asked.
“So I can show the Lord my grattitude towards his generosity. & have a witness infront of my prayers of thanks. Not just a witness. A friend.” she smiled again.
He returned the smile - only why did he look so sad, Anna did not know why.


Amy, on the other hand, was living in her own world, as usual.

Being trapped within the four walls of her Uncle’s home (“A fortress, not a home.” Amy would say bitterly to her friends), she had plenty of spare time to lap in luxury.

For a whole day, she decided to read her collection of letters received from the Pharoah.
& nearly, for the whole day, her eyes were red from crying after reading the letters carefully & hoping that she did not moisten them with her tears.

She absorbed each word with love, each sentence with his notorious dry humour. She traced her finger against the waxed stamp print on the envelopes, remembering her excitement from receiving the said letters.

“Why am I so cursed, Lord? Why?” she said aloud.

Silence.

“Why did I fall in love with the man whom I just know would not return the feelings? Am I not making myself clear to him, Lord? Is that why he has been acting like this for years? All I ask is to have this curse away from my heart.” she said, her voice beginning to be volumed as a decrescendo.

“Please.” she sobbed & fell onto her knees, crying.





“Amy… He is an idiot, you know, the Pharoah.” Abby said soothingly while holding Amy’s hand.
“But that’s the idiot I love!” Amy cried desparingly.
“& the idiot who loves you too.” Anna said softly, stroking the palm of Amy’s hand.

“No! He does not! Anna, I acknowledge that you are a good friend - the greatest, really. And being the greatest friend that you are, you lie to my face to calm me down. I have read that this is one of the seven exceptions to lie & not be sinned. I, however, think that this should be a sin - the mightiest sin, in fact. We shall face the truth - he does not love me, I am the idiot who loves him.” Amy said & sobbed once more.

“Now look what you did!” Abby whispered to Anna as Amy sunk into her knees & sobbed loudly once more, banging her head against the wall with each sob.
“It’s the truth. The moment I met her, the moment she told me all about the Pharaoh. You could just tell. Everything inside me says that they belong together - they both love each other. They are just too… Stubborn is the word I shall settle here on.” Amy whispered back.

“I truly respect your instincts. But can you not see? Amy is suffering from all this hurt she is receiving - all because that she is receiving hurt & pain, instead of the love from the Pharoah that she rightly deserves! You are not lying, Anna. I am on your side. But can you not just lie for the sake of soothing the wound, instead of rubbing salt?”

“Because, somewhere in a scroll I have once read, it said that it is better to tell the truth to lie, just as long as it opens the said’s eyes.” Anna said quietly.








“You know what annoys me even more? Jeffer had told me that, arranged marriage though it was, he thought he would not mind being with that Shameeka! He had told me that she resembled like one of the goddesses they often drew in murals - hair spun gold, sky-blue eyes. Everything that he truly looked for, he said to me.” Amy sobbed harder.

The girls kept quiet as they sat near the pond at the foot of the Hills.

“Did you reply his letters, Amy?” Anna asked quietly.
“No. For what is the purpose when he is soon to be engaged? Married?” she asked, wiping her tears furiously with the ends of her sleeve.

“It is alright to be angry. I am angry with the Pharoah myself.” Abby said, rubbing Amy’s back calmly.
“It has been a while since you have read his last letter, Amy.” Anna said.

Abby shot a look behind Amy’s shoulder but Anna primly ignored it. Abby could feel Amy getting tensed.

“It is alright if you do not.” Abby insisted.
“Oh, but I must! You two are the dearest of my friends, worth more than the Lord’s treasures kept within the heavens.” Amy said as she pulled a roll of parchment from her pocket of her silk robe.

She cleared her throat & read it aloud:

“Amy,
It truly has been a while since we had last met at the Sacred Garden. Guess a bachelor has little left to meet a young woman there, truly scandalous for my status. But back to serious matter, I miss my friend to support me. Where are you? You have not been responding to any of my letters anymore. I suppose you are busy with your life - I can not put the blame. You do have your own life. Shall we meet at the same place, this evening?

- Jeffer”

“When did you receive the letter?” Anna queried.
“Today.”
“What are you waiting for? Or should I say… The man is waiting for you!”
“Why bother? Did you not hear the cruel pun he had written? ‘Bachelor has little left to meet a young woman there’?”
“He truly is not a born joker.” Abby remarked.
“No doubt. But still. If not as lovers, at least as friends.” Anna chimed.
“Do you not understand? I do not want to be at that status - I pine for more, which truly is impossible & out of the question. I have no time to get involved, I should spend my time helping with my Uncle & loads more! I shall not be a sinner & feed on my envy & rage upon this Shameeka. If Lord had put those two together, so be it!” Amy scoffed & with that, Anna & Abby kept quiet on the walk back home.









Somewhere at the Sacred Garden, the Pharoah was sitting at a marble bench, waiting.
“Amy… What happened?” he asked aloud.